FOR ALL THE SINGLE GENTS & LADIES - There's a process to getting the best things, even marriage; the best things are not cheap and do not come by easily. Like attracts like in the law of marriage, if it must work; vision for vision, direction for direction, and heart for heart. The institution of marriage can only be travelled on with all pleasure and excitement, despite its rigors, if you get it right from the beginning and end up with the right person. No matter how expensive your building materials are, once the foundation is faulty, your edifice will come crashing at the slightest provocation.
Wisdom is proven by her children; I'm not a relationship expert but through divine inspiration and counseling young men and women in the USA, UK and all over Europe, on certain relationship issues that have led to tears, heartbreak, and ultimately insecurity. I'm led to put my pen to parchment to point out some mistakes bachelors and spinsters make that eventually backfire after the wedding and marriage begins. You can either avoid these common mistakes, correct them and live happily ever after or just ignore these red flags and walk into marriage.....I can only guarantee you two things....endless tears and unfulfilment.
1. True love doesn't cost a thing. If you buy love from the beginning, get ready to pay your way through out the relationship; if you were bought into e relationship with money and gifts, you'll only sty in that relationship as long as the money flows. If you got it with your money, you can only keep it with your money. If you think you can stop maintaining it without money, you're just about to lose him/her to another person who is ready to spend to buy love.
2. Gentleman, you're the head of the woman; the woman is only your help meet. Just because she makes more money than you do does not make her the head. So, keep your dignity by leading her with your dollar bill while she SUPPORTS you with her million dollars. How you carry yourself with the dollar in your pocket determines how she'll respect you with the million she has to support you. If you make more than she does, better!
3. Dear woman, you are a help meet, only to the man that puts a ring on your finger and takes you to the altar - not a help meet to every Tom, Anderson and Harry. Whatever God gives you, keep it for that one who is bold enough and approved by God to be your husband. There are gold-diggers and there are husbands, the difference is in the motive.
4. He says, "we're adults, lets come to a mutual agreement on sex", that's a no-no! Tell him, "we're adults and the only agreement we can ever reach is to wait till we're married", if he persists, show him the door.....Most times, they hit many pillars and come back looking for that one that insisted on wedding before sex. If the hedge is broken, the serpent will bite. Get it right! Sex does not guarantee marriage.
5. The only reason you're permitted to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know where he/she is going, is if you do not know where you're going. Do not be unequally yoked with a man or woman who isn't going your direction; the yoke is to keep the couple heading towards the same direction. I'll leave you to imagine what will happen to two animals with a yoke on their necks trying to go on different directions.
6. Tell a lie to win a heart and you'll lose that heart as quickly as you won it. A lie in a relationship is enough to break a long standing relationship. Let truth be your watch word in life and you'll naturally speak the truth in your relationship.
7. Make no mistake about this, the way you present yourself to others determines how you'll be treated by them. Carry yourself with pride and dignity, you'll be treated with respect and honor; give yourself cheaply with all your worth and you'll be treated dishonorably and disrespected.
8. Just because you're looking for your missing rib and whose missing rib you are does not mean you should try anything that looks like a bone. You'll know who your missing rib is and whose rib you are when you relate. Like attracts like....listen to him or her with your ears, think about what you heard from him or her with your mind, and check everything through a heart to heart talk with God.
9. If he or she sneaks around with you from the start, trust me, he or she will sneak around with another. If he's not bold enough to make known to those around him, his relationship with you (and vice versa), you do not have any business being together. You need to run, I mean, run without looking back. No excuses, no long stories, one of you is fooling the other.
10. If you trust God, you'll make no haste. Gentleman, relax! Lady, take it easy! You're both headed for a LIFETIME relationship. If he's rushing things without settling to know each other, hmmm.....check it! If she's in a hurry because her "biological" clock is ticking, calm her down. If you both waited that long before you met, trust me, 6months, I year or even 15 months is not too much to get to know yourselves. The highest number of marriages that ended in divorce was because they did not get to know how compatible they were before they tied the knot.
11. What makes a bad person is not that they do not have any good in them, it's just that the bad outweighs the good. Beware of exciting beginnings, don't ever get carried away. Everyone is good, and also have some bad sides. Most times you see people in their best especially at the beginning of a relationship . Make them show you their bad side.....they can't hide it for too long.
12. Your reason for starting a relationship shouldn't just be to have a companion (it's part of it), but set your priorities right. Discover yourself first before trying to discover another. As a lady, having discovered yourself, be wise enough to say yes to the one who's truly going your direction - not disguised. That way, you'll easily submit.
13. Any relationship void of God is as good as non-existent. A successful marriage is a triangular relationship between God, the Man and the Woman. The man checks with God before dealing with the woman, the woman checks with God before dealing with the man. Avoid the temptation of checking first with another man or woman before dealing with your intended spouse. If you start with God, you can be sure of success in marriage with God.
14. If he or she disrespects you from the on-set, you can hardly change them to do any better when you get married. Don't think with your heart, think with your head; thoughts from the heart can be very deceptive, thoughts from the head are more realistic. The heart does not want to get hurt so it thinks only thoughts that provide temporary comfort, with permanent sorrow and regrets reserved for later.
15. The question about you getting married even at 50 (as a lady), is answered in the positive; that shouldn't scare you. What you should focus on and labor for is getting it right from the beginning. Learn from other people's mistakes, have a mind of your own (a mind influenced by God), ask questions when you're clueless.
I pray for you today, you will not make the wrong choice in marriage. May God grant you the patience you need to wait for that right partner that will give you peace and help you fulfill your destiny. May He give you wisdom to discern between the real and unreal, the right one form the "perfect" one. I desire to see you end well and I pray that God helps you end well.
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